turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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