Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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