Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
