Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
