don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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