The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
