My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
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