Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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