# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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