My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize