According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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