We named our party play list daddy issues
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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