i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
