and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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