plz talk dirty to me
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
