Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
