K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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