lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
