with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
