its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
