I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
