you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
