I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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