I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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