I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
