Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
