so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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