my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize