ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
