He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
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