If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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