There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
