True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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