It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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