Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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