white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
