I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
