so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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