Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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