That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
