just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
