Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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