How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
