hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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