I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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