Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
