dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
