you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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