whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
