JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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