I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
