when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
