If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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