You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
