she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Randomize
