Fine. I'll sleep in my office
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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