Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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