Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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