OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
