i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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