He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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