I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
i drank out of a bidet.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
