I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
