i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
